Under the spell
Under the spell, I followed, I tried, to the best of my ability,
I tried to be better… better than who I was born as,
the goal was to improve, so I worked at, as if I could photoshop myself.
Buried very deep inside, I always knew this quest was unrealistic.
But the spell was a pervasive voice from outside saying, be perfect or die…
No wonder I wanted to die, not that I really wanted to die, quite the opposite
but I want to stop this spell, I want to wake up, I want to live, that’s all.
Now, I look back and I’m intrigued, I feel it makes no sense whatsoever
but this, I call a spell, but it can be called propaganda, collective ignorance,
regardless of what we call it, it carries a very powerful irrefutable promise,
the promise of safety, protection, acceptance, love, recognition, happiness.
How can a little child not fall for a promise as absolute and complete as this?
So I followed blindly, it became part of the way I think and feel
Apart from this deep little voice, this knowing, this sense inside of me
there has always been a part of me that knew this to be untrue, a fantasy.
But still, so full of glitter and magic, made it look so easy, all I had to do is be perfect!
Looking back I feel I’m waking up from a nightmare, the evil spell, the spell of perfection.
Now, I look back and smile and as puzzled as I am about what to do next
I know that to ask, 10 years from now, 20 years from now,
when I look back, what do I want to see?